As The Fuzzie Bunnies Attack
by Hamelon
Summary: Things at Hogwarts has gone haywire. Draco turned into a girl! Hermione Banned from the library! Neville Evil! much more. And Harry seems to be the only normal one there. Rated T for drug use, violence, and stupidity.
1. This isn’t ½ the craziness

As the Fuzzie Bunnies Attack

So have you read the 6th Harry Potter Book? If so then I want you to – FORGET EVERYTHING THAT YOU READ IN THERE for one minute, well acculy for as long as it takes to read this. Everything's normal, no ones dead, no one left, blah blah blah..

So here it is

Chapter 1 – This isn't ½ the craziness

Harry got onto the Hogwarts express, it was the first, and in a long time that not only had he not been late but he hadn't gone to the burrow during the summer, and as you can imagine he was very much anticipating seeing Ron and Hermione. He found an empty compartment and just as he was putting his luggage up he head

"Why Hello Harry" Someone hissed, Harry turned around to see none other than Neville, but Neville looked Different. He had red eyes outlined with black eyeliner and his lips were black with lipstick, black long velvet cape, shirt, pants, and shoes plus a top hat, and a silver tie.

"Um hi Neville, what happened to you?" Harry Said

"Nnnnnott muchssss" Neville hissed just then Ron and Hermione came through

"Hey Harry what is – OH MY GOD" Ron said looking at Neville

"He's clearly under the Imperious curse" Hermione said hitting him with her book, she hit him a few more times before

"Ill get you my pretty - and your little cat too" Neville said giving her a peck on the cheek and taking off only to run into a few scared 1st years.

"What was that all about?" Ron said, Harry took a good look at him to knowest that he was wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt and a pair of black dickies.

"Where did you get ---- that" Harry said pointing to Ron's Outfit

"Ebay" Ron said

"But Ron you have to have a muggle computer to use it" Hermione

"I know" Ron said "Dad brought one home from his work, and it had internet and everything, I have it with me" He pointed to his side, and sure enofe hanging by his waist from a strap that went around his left shoulder was a laptop "It works on magic, and it got me into a bunch of muggle music, like AFI – My Chemical Romance, Green Day, and Of coarse Marilyn Manson! I even got tickets to see him in December with you two"

"I'm not going!" Hermione said "And besides where did you get the money to buy this stuff?"

"Fred and George, they made fake credit cards that mail all of the bills to the Malfoy's!" Ron said with glee, and right then Malfoy and his two goonies Crabbe and Goyle walked through the door. Draco said

"Hey Weasley do you know where these may have come from" Draco pulled out a long list of items "Thets see – My Chemical Romance pin, Marilyn Manson and AFI Cds – whatever those are, Marilyn Manson concert Tickets, Marilyn Manson T-Shirts, Gucci Sunglasses, A mini Hummer H2, A Minty Hippo named Shaqueque" Draco read out loud, Hermione looked at him

"Minty Hippo" She said

"Well you see if you lick her she's taste kind of like Muggle Toothpaste" Ron said "She's very special, and um well I'm having her shipped to Hogwarts"

"Ok Malfoy Ill pay ya" Harry said digging into his pocket detirmed to repay for whatever Ron had done

"I don't want your money Potter I have more than you can imagine, I want…." Malfoy paused for a minute "You" And turned around and walked out of the door

"WHAT!" Harry "ME!"

"I wonder what he ment" Ron said "Maybe we could take in the possibility that he is gay and wants Harry for a lover"

"Well that sure as hell aint gona happen" Harry said, then changing the subject "So Ron seems as though you've changed a bunch"

"Yes well the whole family has" Ron started off "Thanks to the Internet, Fred & George, and much to Ebay. Ginny read some sites and became what you would call a Gothic Poser, Mum and Dad are on some thing called Orbits and they are planning an expensive trip to Hawaii and Vienna. And Fred and George get to chat online with babes all day." Ron said the last thing with a frown

"That's cool" Harry said "So what's happened with you Hermoine"

"Nothing, but later the author will reveal that over the summer I developed a 'hitting people over the head with books' habit."

"Wow that's really cool and all she gave me was Ebay" Ron said "But then again she gave me my one and only love, the girl I plan to be with forever"

"Mary-Sue?" Hermione said

"No silly – Shaqueque – my hippo I wanna keep her forever, when I go to Hogwarts, when I graduate, and when you and me get married and have children" Ron just realized what he said and Hermione looked at him

"You just said you're going to marry me and have children" Hermione said in a soft voice moving her face closer to his, Ron was getting really nervous

"I know it just slipped" Ron said "I really didn't mean it"

"Yes you did" Hermione said

"No really I didn't, I don't wanna marry you nor have children, its just well there's already someone else" Ron said putting his down

"Well who is it?" Harry said

"Is it Lavender" Hermione said

"No"

"Patti?"

'"No"

"Eleanor?"

"No"

"Susan?"

"No"

"Luna"

"NO"

"Ginny?"

"NO THAT'S MY SISTER"

"Oh yea" Hermione said

"Katie?"

"No"

"Cho?"

"No"

"Well then who is she" Harry said

"Well it isn't really a she it's more like a – he"

"Ron are you gay?"

"Yes, do you hate me?

"No of coarse not Ron" Hermione and Harry said, they both gave him a big hug

"Good cause I'm dating Flitwick" Ron said, Harry and Hermione both broke free of the hug fast and jumped to the other side of the compartment "I'm just kidding guys Ron said, I'm just dating Blaise"

"Oh, oh thank God" Hermione said, clutching her heart "How did this happen""Well we just meet up in Diagon Alley in Fred and George's shop and we just kind of hit it off. So we've been going out since then"

"Well as long as it's not Flitwick" Harry said

"That's true" Hermione said


	2. Things just keep on getting stranger

Everyone that replied thank you so much you guys are the best gives hugs and hands out rubber ducks you'll see that they are a big part of this chapter (the ducks I mean)

Chapter 2 – Things just keep on getting stranger and stranger

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting at the Gryffendor table at the end of the feast, all had gone well, expect the fact that Spongebob Square Pants and Kenny from South Park had enrolled and Kenny was sitting at the Gryffendor Table and Spongebob sat at the Slythren (he was evil - WHO KNEW? J ) . Anyway…..

"Mmhmm" Kenny Said

"What is he saying?" Seamus asked

"Mmhmm!" Kenny said back, shoved a roll into his mouth and walked off. Once Harry had done watching the paper like kid walk off, he had his attention on Seamus. Harry just stared at Seamus.

Seamus had on under his robes a duck shirt, duck pins, and over his pants, duck boxers, and over that duck underwear. Duck Pins all over his robes, light up duck sneakers, duck socks, and 2 duck hair clips in his hair on either side of his hair, holding his bangs back

"What is it Harry" Seamus asked then said "Oh the duck thing, I'm part of the W.D.F.C"

"What's that" Ron asked  
"The Wizarding Duckie Fan Club" Luna Said "My dad says that the owner is really a cross between a Vampire, Koala, and Wizard. But he uses DARK magic to cover up the fact that he likes to eat leaves and had ears and feet of the Koala."

"He does not" Seamus said

"Yes he does!" Luna said

"NO"  
"YES"  
"NO"  
"YES!"

Then something unexpected happened both Luna and Seamus jumped onto the table, stared at each other for a minute then started to snog like no tomorrow on the table, knocking all the food onto everyone, and then they were rolling on the table, getting food all over then, but neither seemed to care, they look like they were going to try to eat each other.

"Common Harry" Hermione said "And you two Ro…"

"He'sss over there" Neville Hissed as he ate a pound of raw meat, pointing to Ron who was with Blaise, looking like a Catholic school girl as he hung on Blaise and as they looked at each other."

"Common Harry thets Go" Hermione said, not that she wad disgusted with Ron having a boyfriend, no she was just disappointed, because after all of that building up over years that J.K. Rowling did Hermione had FINALLY came to the conclusion that she loved Ron deeply, but Ron was gay and had a boyfriend

"It'll be ok" Harry said "We can always find you a new boyfriend, like um, well there's bound to be someone here that will date you"

"Harry, the author has suddenly changed my emotions" Hermoine said googly eyed at Harry "I LOVE YOU"  
"No you don't, you just think that." Harry said

"Oh yes I do" Hermione said "And soon enofe I will have you for my own Harry Bloody Sexy Potter, but until then I shall be in the Library" Hermione squeezed Harry's Butt and Ran off

"What the…." Harry started to say but was interrupted by Colin Creevy

"Like OmiGod Harry I am like so happy to like see you, like totally" Colin said, in a high pitched voice, he appeared to be wearing a red sparkly skirt, black fishnets, red sparkly high heeled stilettos, a matching tube top and a black feather boa, Heavy Red Lipstick and blue Eyeshadow up to his eyebrows.

"Colin…….did you…loose a bet"

"No silly, I just took an active interest in the finer things in like, like women's lingerie!" Colin said

"Ok"

"And I'm currently working on a potion that changes your gender in the downstairs bathroom, if you wanna come help me later – or um snog – just stop by"

"Um I don't think that'll be necessary, you know, test and studies, really crammed this year"  
"Oh yes I forgot, well maybe we can schedule an appointment" Colin said, not sounding disappointed at all

"We'll do that" Harry said

"HEY GET LOST!" Ginny said, she was wearing a teal corset – black baggy jeans and black converse. Colin didn't wait around and walked off "Hey Harry"

"Oh hey" Harry said,

"What's up"

"Nothing"

"Ok then well Luna's waiting for me"

"Well that might not work out, see she's snogging Seamus in the Great Hall right now"

"Oh well, then, Ill just go to library then" Ginny said

"Are…you trying…to avoid me?"  
"Well Harry" Ginny said looking down "It's not against you I love you I really do but well……..your so……….mainstream and I just can't do that" she said and walked off to the library

"HEY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT" Harry yelled at the author

"Because………." I said  
"BECAUSE WHY"

"I like toying with your emotions, and everyone else's, honestly this is too funny, Seamus – W.D.F.C – Hermione in love with you. Ginny wont act like this forever just till the end of this chapter but Ron – Gay." I said

"YEA! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE HIM GAY"  
"Tisk Tisk, were supost to except our friends they way they are. Besides you're just about to join him"  
"What do you mean by Join Him?"

"You're gay too"

"NO I'M NOT"

"YES YOU ARE"  
"NO I'M NOT GAY I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!"  
"You just keep telling yourself that Harry Potter, you just keep on telling yourself that"


	3. I got this Groovy notion last night

Wow thanks to everyone who reviewed (so far that's only two) so Black Flip Flops and Psychelle this ones for you!

WARNING: This chapter contains drug reference so if you are offended by any drug use and/or mention I advise you not to read this, and go get a life. And its not like theres a lot of it anyway just the light mention, it dosent get really into the drug mention till chapter 4 - which I will be posting soon cause I already had it written.

Chapter 3 – I got this Groovy notion last night

Harry woke up the next morning to see that Ron had crawled into bed with him

"RON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Harry said

"Oh sorry Harry I just had a really bad nightmare about spiders so I just crawled into your bed. Besides that little Kenny Kid took over mine." Harry looked over at Ron's bed to see Kenny sitting up in the bed, a mean look on his face, he held his wand up.

"MMMmmMMMMMM!" Kenny yelled, at them, they both twitched and held each other closely, realizing what they were doing they jumped out of the bed and ran into the common room, still wearing their pjs

"Harry, Ron it's about time we got double potions with the Slythrens this morning!" Hermione said

"But were not even dressed!" Ron said

"Well tough luck" Hermione said and threw them their book bags and they were off, still in their pjs but at least trainers had magically appeared on their feet so they were fine.

"OOOhhhh Snape is going to kill us" Ron said looking at them, as they approached the dungeons, but something was off something was different – just as everything else in this bloody story, instead of doors, there were rainbow colored beads. When they reached the inside of the dungeons, its was painted Tye-dye with peace symbols and flowers. And where there use to be desks were bean bags all placed in a circle with what appeared to be a lava lamp in the middle. There was pink carpeting and there was no desk for professor Snape, he sat in one of the bean bag chairs. Harry gasped as well as all of the other students. Snape was not wearing the usual black he was wearing a tye dye shirt, a pair of brown pants, and no shoes. A Tye dye head band, a peace medallion, and had a "save the whales" tattoo on his ankle.

"Sit down little freedom fighters" Snape said he was all mellowed out really calm, then looked at Harry and Ron in their blue and white striped Pjs "Wow look at that, good call Potter and Weasley, everyone should follow your example. Kids we should try not to look like each other but to differentiate ourselves by being our own special person, no matter who you are, where you come from, your money, or sexuality." Snape said

"Professor Snape…." Draco started

"No no no WingedDragon I'm now Dances-With-Unicorns"

"Winged-Dragon?" Draco said

"Yea that's the name you shall go by in my class."

"Well um Dances-With-Unicorns where are we supost to do our potions"  
"Oh were not doing them in here, see I had this groovy notion last night while listening to that Grateful Dead CD. Why not hold the potions portion of the class outside, like classes – no classes – no boundaries."

"What do you mean Potions Portion of the class" Hermione said angrily

"Whoa – I'm sensing some bad vibes, I want to do a character building portion of our class, to conquer our fears, to be more excepting." Snape said "So thets go around the big circle and state our new names and something that you don't normally tell anyone about us"

"If we normally didn't tell people that why would we tell them now" Draco said  
"Because this is the circle of trust Winged-Dragon, we need to trust each other and except each other, to love each other."

"Humph" Draco said smugly

"Ill start out first" Snape said "My name is Dances-With-Unicorns and I am dating Professor Trawley, I think she's a groovy girl." Snape looked at Ron

"My name is ur….Water-Weasel" Ron started (Snape: Groovy name) "and I like Guys"

Snape clapped and shed a tear, then looked at Harry

"Um my name is Lightning from Sky and um" Harry paused wondering if he should tell his innermost darkest secret

"Its Ok Harry just tell us, you'll feel a lot better" Snape said "And if it makes you feel better I have a joint here somewhere" Hermione had a shocked look on her face

"No…No that wont be necessary, Ill just say it" Harry bit his lip "I wish I looked like Draco" Snape clapped and gave Harry a big giant hug, but Harry felt like he could of died cause it was apparent that Snape had not taken a bath for quite some time

"Now your turn Hermione" Snape said "And that offer for the joint is up to anyone who doesn't feel good about doing it"

"I'm Earth-Girl and I have a unhealthy obsession with hitting people with books" Hermione said

"That's good sister, tell it like it is" Snape said "Your turn Winged-Dragon"

"My name I guess is now Winged-Dragon and I have been Jealous of Harry Potter since the day I came to Hogwarts" Draco said, his head down

"Good, Good, I think you're making real progress Winged-Dragon" Snape…I mean Dances – with – unicorns said "Your turn Crabbe"

"Um my name is Moon-Child and me and Goyle have been going out since the third year" Crabbe said, holding Goyle's hand, Snape shed another tear, and Goyle got up still holding Crabbe's hand

"My name is Moon-Beam and I love Crabbe" Goyle said, Snape had tears running down in face

"I love the vibes were getting in here keep going" Snape said

"Um my name is Duck-Kid" Seamus said "And someday I wanna be a nun!"

"My name is Bunny-Child and I cry sometimes because of my mum and dad" Neville said, still looking evil yet calmer

After all was said and done, Lavender Brown (Star infant) reveled that she had Blaise's kid before he found out that he was gay, Blaise (Swims-In-Rivers) loved Ron and his son very much, and some other stuff like that it was time to sing kumbi-ya

"But before we sing I want you guys who are wearing your uniforms to take off your ties, scarves, cloaks, and just have the bear essentials on – cause it separated the houses and Dances-With-Unicorns was against separation (its just what THE MAN wants) So just a white shirt and your pants/skirts

TO BE CONTINUED in the next chapter DUM DUM DUM tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your family - tell somebody - cause THE FUZZIE BUNNIES WILL ATTACK (but not for another fewchapters)also I do need a beta-reader if anyone wants to do that email me at lunasignora.


	4. after all is said and done meaning

Hey everybody thankx for reviewing, you dont know how much that means to me. Ill have the next chapter soon.

Chapter 4 – After all is said and done, meaning we're done singing kumbi ya and the offer for the joint is still up

So they were all outside, sitting on the lawn of Hogwarts, again in a circle only this time there was a cauldron in the middle of it instead a lava lamp and many incense sticks around them.

"Professor why is there only one cauldron?" Hermione asked

"Because I thought that since were going to be doing a very hard potion we should all work together, in harmony. Isn't that groovy?" Snape said, smoking on a joint, his eyes were terribly bloodshot "Like the cauldron of harmony!"  
"No that's not groovy!" Hermione said upset "first you make us give out crap names, offer us a joint, smoke one of your own, then make us work on a potion together!"

"You know what Earth-Girl" Snape said, he didn't sound mad, he just sounded a little confused and very high "You need some LSD"

"NO!" Hermione said "I don't do drugs! I don't like the drugs!  
"But the Drugs like me" Ron said singing to Marilyn Manson's song I don't like the Drugs but the Drugs like me. Harrry shook his head in confusion

"You want some?" Snape offered some to Ron

"I prefer weed" Ron said

"Well I have a lot of that" Snape said "Ill be right back with the weed" and he got up and ran back to the castle to retrive some weed

"Ron!" Harry "When did you start doing drugs?"

"Um well Iv been hooked since our second year, another thing that I never told you, I'm sorry!"

"But where did you get weed?" Hermione said

"Percy" Ron said "Don't worry I'm not hooked to the point where I cant get off Weed isnt really addictive." Herimone gave Harry a sad look. Just then Snape came back

"Sorry I must have ran out yesterday when I was with McGonagall" Snape said

"Its okay" Ron said

"MCGONAGAL!" Hermione said with utter disgust

"Yea, McGonagall." Snape said

"She would never do drugs" Hermione said with a low-toned anger

"That's what you think" Snape said, still high, he took another hit off of his joint

About ten minutes had passed and they were doing a potion that turned the drinker 10 pounds lighter

"See the thing with this potion is that it can only be taken once every month, to ensure that the drinker doesn't take an overdose." Snape said, they all had to work together to put the ingrediences in, even Snape was helping them. "But you know what I think we should all be happy with our weight, and except ourselves no matter what we are."

When the potion was done it turned a clear oil type liquid.

'It looks like baby oil' Harry thought to himself

"But its not" I said to him

"Hey where did you come from!" Harry said angrily

"I'm writing this story, I'm always here"

"Oh yea" Harry said

"Harry are you ok?" Hermione said "Who are you talking to?"

"Yea who are you talking to Harry" I said

"You!" Harry said

"Oh I didn't know that" Hermione said, she put her hand on his forehead "I think your sick"

"Yea Harry I think your sick" I said

"I AM NOT SICK" Harry yelled

"Yes you are" I said and Harry threw up

"Uh oh little freedom-fighters it seems as though lighting from sky is sick, Ill take him to the nurse!" Snape/Dances-With Unicorns said and carried Harry over his shoulder up to the hospital wing while Harry threw up.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" I laughed

"ITS NOT FUNNY" Harry said

"No of corse its not!" Snape said and patted Harry's back "Don't worry"


End file.
